running, patience and learning to commit.

I woke up at 4:45 a.m. this morning, and there was no turning back. No hitting the snooze button, no rolling over and falling back asleep. No bailing on this morning's run. My best friend was meeting me for a brave 9-10 mile run before work this morning (well, before I had to be at work - she's a teacher and out for summer, so she got up that early for fun). Today was her first time running that far, and I hadn't run that far since my one and only half marathon over two years ago. It was dark, but even at 5:00 a.m. you could tell it was going to be a beautiful morning. We hit the pavement, consistently sticking with a walk/run ratio that has turned out to be the best thing since sliced bread (or cheesecake...or margaritas). As someone who has always preferred to run alone, I'm always pleasantly surprised by how well we run together. With over 20 years of friendship under our belt, it's interesting to see how in tune you become running together, despite being such different runners on our own. The tortoise and the hare could be best friends if they'd just start running together.

At one of our walk breaks, she turned and asked me how I ever fell in love with running. She said I'm the one who got her into running, but we tried to trace it back to the moment I thought beating myself up for miles upon miles would ever be fun. I got chills thinking about it. It's so tacky, and so silly to think about because really, I am hardly a "runner." But I love it, and to think about where it's taken me throughout the past few years makes my heart swell so big it could burst.

I started running when I first signed up for Weight Watchers and desperately assumed that burning a shit ton of calories was the only proven way to lose weight. I hopped on the treadmill at the gym and made up my own Couch to 5k program, sticking with short jog/walk intervals before finally being able to run a full 5k without stopping to walk. Walk breaks were a sign of weakness to me - I wanted to RUN every single minute of that time on the treadmill like those damn gazelles did next to me. When I finally took my running outdoors, I was disappointed to learn that the pavement doesn't work the same was as a treadmill propelling you forward (who knew?) and had to relearn the entire thing all over again. At best, I was running a 12-14 minute mile with the occasional walk break, and I ran my very first 5k in October of 2010 with a finishing time of over 40 minutes. I completed my first (and currently only) half marathon in January 2011 with a finishing time of about 3:01. I've always been a slow runner, and I've always believed that I'd rather run farther than faster.

I took a hiatus from running for almost a year. I couldn't keep loving it - I think because I spent most of 2011 slowly gaining the weight back that I had once lost, and I used it as an excuse not to run. It wasn't until the beginning of this year that I stumbled out onto the pavement for run on an unusually warm January day. Having incorporated a lot of strength training into my workouts, I was surprised how easy my 3 mile run was. The 5k runs I've done this year are least 3-7 minutes faster than the ones from last year, and we managed to complete today's 9.42 miles with a pace of about 11:30.

So why am I telling you all this? I know that somewhere, I've blogged about it before. I'm telling you because people see "9 miles" on my Facebook status and think I just woke up one day and decided to run 3 consecutive 5k races. They want to love running like I love running now, and want to know how I ever thought running 9 miles before 7 a.m. would be fun. Truth be told, it just is. There's something deeply motivating about knowing that you can always do more. You're never done - even if you're a regular marathon runner, you know you're constantly challenging yourself. Beat your last time, run the extra mile, try new run/walk methods. The possibilities for running are endless, and your success is limitless. Nevermind the fact that I find running completely therapeutic, it's the one and only physical activity that has continued to challenge me over the years. No one is born a gazelle, and I've learned that even basset hounds can rack up some miles - if they really want to.

And that's what it comes down to. Deciding how bad you really want it - and in order to do that, it has to become personal for you. As someone who teetered in that "I want to lose weight, so I'm going to start doing things that everyone around me is doing to lose weight" phase for years of my life, I can tell you straight up that what works for someone else won't necessarily work for you. There is no better path carved from scratch than the one you create on your journey to becoming happy and healthy. You may need more or less rest days than someone else. You may hate running. You may hate working out at home, big over-populated gyms full of douchebags and flax seed.

And when you find something that you do like - or that you think you'll like, please don't give up on it. If your body is miserable and you are so mad at yourself for only being able to run to the end of your street, keep trying. Do not think you have to run the entire time, and do not think that somewhere, a gazelle-like runner didn't start in the same place you are. Once you decide you're going to commit to running, you'll keep running farther than you did the last time - and when that happens and you get that rush of power, motivation and strength - that's when you know you've found something you'll love. You don't have to love it right away, but you have to give it a chance. Understand that it takes time to build up stamina, strength and commitment. It takes energy, focus and determination to make something work for you. You won't wake up and run 10 miles your first shot out. You will fail, stumble, face plant and cut your hand open (not like that happened to me or anything), and at some point, you'll hate it. It's what you do at that point that defines your relationship with it - and it's usually at that point that it becomes personal.

Decide what you want. Commit to what you love and understand that building a relationship with a lifestyle change, a diet or an exercise routine is no different than building a relationship with another person. You have to get to know each other, figure out what works for you and compromise. Sometimes you push yourself even though you don't want to, because you know it'll be good for you. Sometimes you bail and eat cheesecake because you know you need that, too. And you'll have good days and bad days. After the most miserable 10k of my life, I was doubting signing up for my half this fall, and had even bigger doubts about potentially signing up for a second one. I beat myself up, thought I had failed and wished I wasn't so damn fat still. Then this morning, I had the most redeeming run of my life and bam, you're back in love. Fights with running, or any form of exercise, will happen. Fights with yourself over diet and choices will exist. But just like you commit to the person you love, you don't just walk away. You don't turn your back on what's good for you. You get mad, eat some feelings and come back and work that shit out. Because you're an adult, and you know what's good for you. And part of being an adult is taking responsibility for your health and your life. Push yourself, commit to it and DO. NOT. GIVE. UP.

Find out what you love, and what you want, and then be in a full time relationship with it. Treat it like you would a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or best friend. Nurture it, protect it and take care of it. Don't put it on the back burner, and don't turn your back on it. Always be in its corner, and it'll always be in yours. And one day, you'll wake up and run 9 miles and never know what you did without it.