tonight, I am so mad.

I haven't blogged in a really long time. Mainly because I've gained a little weight back and writing about it sort of makes me sick. But also because I just haven't felt like it. Sorry.

But tonight, I'm mad. So I'm writing, because my anger is way too intense and way too long to put into a passive aggressive Facebook status.

I'm mad because sometimes, people are so mean. So cruel. So heartless. We are a brilliant population full of great minds who cure diseases, educate children, keep our cities safe. We run businesses, fuel the economy (sometimes) and build buildings. But tonight, I saw a video on Facebook of two teenage girls lighting a turtle on fire. No, I'm not even posting the link for you because that would be further fueling the fire. And no, I couldn't watch the entire thing. I read about it - how the turtle eventually starts screaming it its shell while the girls watch on, record it and laugh. I wouldn't let myself get that far before turning it off.

But seriously. Two teenage girls lit a turtle on fire. And watched it suffer. For fun. A few months ago, two girls plotted to stab their friend to death in pursuit of some "Slender Man" fantasy (I'm too old for this shit) and the victim barely survived. Their best friend.

A few months ago, someone dumped two dead dogs and a box of malnourished puppies on the front step of our local humane society in what is now an ongoing humane investigation. Dead dogs. My newsfeed is plagued with this. I'm sure yours is, too. Plagued with toxic news. Neglected animals. Innocent teenagers sitting in a classroom.

I'm so mad. I'm so mad at us. I don't have to remind you that I much prefer the company of animals over people, so I tend to get really worked up over animal neglect and abuse. But as humans, we're better than this. We're better than watching animals suffer for our enjoyment. For the hope of a viral video on the internet. We're better than turning the other cheek to shit we're too scared to stand up for. We're capable of so much. So much. And look at us. Lighting fucking turtles on fire and throwing our dogs into oncoming traffic on the highway because we "can't have pitbulls in our new apartment."

I'm so fucking angry.

But we're not all like this. Wedged between the stories of violence, neglect, hunger and turning a blind eye are countless hearts. Countless volunteers. People who camp out all day in hope of getting the scared stray dog to finally trust them. People who carry malnourished dogs out basements and to a brighter future. People dropping food off at their church pantry. People orchestrating community meals, speaking out against sexual violence, and fostering the bucket of puppies someone was too cowardly to own up to.

We are here. I am here. These are the people who run circles over and over again, picking up the pieces of someone else's "trash." People who realize that lives - animals' and people's - are not disposable. People who value your existence not because they know you, because they don't, but because they have enough respect for humanity to know that you deserve a chance. There could be twice as many of us, and there would still be things we can't change - people we can't save, animals we can't help. But sometimes, these are the only people in this world who convince me that we're not doomed.

Sometimes it's enough to keep me optimistic. But tonight, I'm having a hard time shutting out the images of teenage girls lighting turtles on fire. Again - lighting turtles on fire. And laughing. I don't know where we went astray. I don't know what's changed, where this transition in mental instability happened - or maybe it's just that the internet and the media has made what's already existed so much more available. But whatever it is, we have got to get it together. 

I know this is a rant. I know I'm just fired up, and tomorrow I'll go look at a Buzzfeed of the 25 most adorable animal hugs and try to fill my heart with butterflies again. But tonight, I am so mad.

Guest Post: Uncomfortable [the realities of weight maintenance]

I have something very special for all of you - my first guest post! This comes from a woman very near and dear to my heart, as she's been my best friend for over 20 years. Like most of us, she's in those "closer to 30" years and juggles countless social and career obligations, including being a rockstar kindergarten teacher, a grad student and a fairly recent newlywed. She also still finds time to be my faithful running partner, holding me accountable on those days when it's hot and humid and I'd much rather get ice cream than hit the pavement. She definitely juggles many hats (and does it incredibly well), but one of the most important things she's committed herself to is a living a healthy lifestyle. She lost over 30 pounds by exercising and changing her eating habits, and it didn't happen overnight. She's an amazing inspiration, but like so many people who have reached their weight loss goals, she struggles with the one thing that nobody really talks about: maintenance. Check out her post on life post-weight loss. I feel incredibly blessed to be constantly inspired by her, and comforted by her words and her willingness to address the realities of balancing a healthy lifestyle with the temptations of real life.

Uncomfortable

Summer sucks when you feel fat. Uncomfortable in your own skin. Sweating like crazy as the temperatures rise rapidly, and you cling for your life to your skin covering jeans. Longing to indulge in an ice cream cone and the delicious treats at a family cookout. But there is this nagging in the back of your mind. "If you eat that, you'll regret it." "Remember how those shorts looked in the fitting room the other day?" "Do you really want to run the 5 miles worth of calories you'll ingest in just a few bites?" "You already had your cheat meal yesterday, and you didn't exercise at all."

Losing the 30 pounds was almost easy. Making the life change to be aware of everything I put in my body was the best decision I have ever made. It turns out you don't have to buy a pack of Oreos at the grocery every week in order to maintain a healthy diet. Who knew? Making exercise a part of my daily routine was a breeze. Running turned into a passion. When you're losing weight, everyone wants to be your friend. Everyone wants to know how you did it. What's your story? They'll often tell you, "You're my inspiration." They are all there cheering you on with encouraging words. Your clothes start to hang off your body, and shopping is a reward.

Maintaining weight is one of the most challenging obstacles I have ever encountered. It is so difficult to say no to poor food choices. There are temptations everywhere. Like the free chips at your favorite Mexican restaurant. Or drinks with your co-workers at a Friday happy hour. "You lost 30 pounds, it's okay to let loose a little," people will tell you. Exercise starts to become more of a chore. The nagging voice returns: "If I don't go today, my arms will start to feel flabby." "I'll lose a few seconds on my average mile pace." When you're maintaining weight, the world all of a sudden seems to fall silent. The encouraging words are replaced with crickets. You start to wonder if they really are crickets, or if the people that were once your supporters and fans are just speaking words they would never dare speak to your face. Your clothes start to become tight. Shopping is a punishment. Every pound, even just one, sends you into a panic. If I can gain one back, what's to say I can't gain all 30?

I'm struggling to find a happy medium. A place where I feel comfortable. Where I feel proud of my accomplishments, and not burdened by them. I'm struggling to come to terms with the fact that it is okay to let loose. It is okay to go up a pant size. I'm struggling to remember that I started this journey in search of a healthy life. It was never about a number. It was never about a size.

Like what Sara has to say? Tell us about it in the comments section below. You can also follow Sara's blog where she focuses primarily on teaching strategies (but I think she has plenty of wise things to say about living a healthy lifestyle, don't you think?) Till next time, friends!