tonight, I am so mad.

I haven't blogged in a really long time. Mainly because I've gained a little weight back and writing about it sort of makes me sick. But also because I just haven't felt like it. Sorry.

But tonight, I'm mad. So I'm writing, because my anger is way too intense and way too long to put into a passive aggressive Facebook status.

I'm mad because sometimes, people are so mean. So cruel. So heartless. We are a brilliant population full of great minds who cure diseases, educate children, keep our cities safe. We run businesses, fuel the economy (sometimes) and build buildings. But tonight, I saw a video on Facebook of two teenage girls lighting a turtle on fire. No, I'm not even posting the link for you because that would be further fueling the fire. And no, I couldn't watch the entire thing. I read about it - how the turtle eventually starts screaming it its shell while the girls watch on, record it and laugh. I wouldn't let myself get that far before turning it off.

But seriously. Two teenage girls lit a turtle on fire. And watched it suffer. For fun. A few months ago, two girls plotted to stab their friend to death in pursuit of some "Slender Man" fantasy (I'm too old for this shit) and the victim barely survived. Their best friend.

A few months ago, someone dumped two dead dogs and a box of malnourished puppies on the front step of our local humane society in what is now an ongoing humane investigation. Dead dogs. My newsfeed is plagued with this. I'm sure yours is, too. Plagued with toxic news. Neglected animals. Innocent teenagers sitting in a classroom.

I'm so mad. I'm so mad at us. I don't have to remind you that I much prefer the company of animals over people, so I tend to get really worked up over animal neglect and abuse. But as humans, we're better than this. We're better than watching animals suffer for our enjoyment. For the hope of a viral video on the internet. We're better than turning the other cheek to shit we're too scared to stand up for. We're capable of so much. So much. And look at us. Lighting fucking turtles on fire and throwing our dogs into oncoming traffic on the highway because we "can't have pitbulls in our new apartment."

I'm so fucking angry.

But we're not all like this. Wedged between the stories of violence, neglect, hunger and turning a blind eye are countless hearts. Countless volunteers. People who camp out all day in hope of getting the scared stray dog to finally trust them. People who carry malnourished dogs out basements and to a brighter future. People dropping food off at their church pantry. People orchestrating community meals, speaking out against sexual violence, and fostering the bucket of puppies someone was too cowardly to own up to.

We are here. I am here. These are the people who run circles over and over again, picking up the pieces of someone else's "trash." People who realize that lives - animals' and people's - are not disposable. People who value your existence not because they know you, because they don't, but because they have enough respect for humanity to know that you deserve a chance. There could be twice as many of us, and there would still be things we can't change - people we can't save, animals we can't help. But sometimes, these are the only people in this world who convince me that we're not doomed.

Sometimes it's enough to keep me optimistic. But tonight, I'm having a hard time shutting out the images of teenage girls lighting turtles on fire. Again - lighting turtles on fire. And laughing. I don't know where we went astray. I don't know what's changed, where this transition in mental instability happened - or maybe it's just that the internet and the media has made what's already existed so much more available. But whatever it is, we have got to get it together. 

I know this is a rant. I know I'm just fired up, and tomorrow I'll go look at a Buzzfeed of the 25 most adorable animal hugs and try to fill my heart with butterflies again. But tonight, I am so mad.