the deep dark secrets of getting older.

Getting older is fun. I mean, not in the way that partying all night, making out with that cute guy at the bar and giggling about it with your college roommates at hangover brunch the next day (all on your parents' dime, I might add) is fun - but yeah, sure, growing up is fun. It's a different kind of fun - one filled with new adventures in homeownership, having enough money to take fun trips and learning what a 401k actually is and how it benefits you to have one.

But there are a few things you stumble upon when you find yourself getting older - things you never expected, and things that often come with unexpected consequences. Take for instance the fact that, 24 hours later, I'm still suffering from a food hangover from last night's dinner - and no, there wasn't even wine involved. My body is just at a point where it stops and says to me, "No, this isn't going to work out very well for you." So, without further adieu, here are the things that inevitably happen when you get closer to 30.

You will go back to your college town with all the hope and excitement of reliving that one perfect college weekend, only to realize you seriously can't hang like you used to. Between Bacardi and diets (and you're only drinking rum because the bartender looked at you funny when you asked if they had your preferred bottle of Riesling), you'll be downing 5 hour energy drinks and asking for waters. At brunch the next morning, you'll scoff at the girls who didn't have the decency to take last night's makeup off (because heaven forbid that was ever you).

You will plan out which bills you're going to pay when you get your tax return, not what new pair of shoes to buy. You will have every penny of that blessed tax return carefully put away towards debt, your upcoming vacation or new furniture investments before Turbo Tax can even ask you if you have any dependents to claim. Speaking of Turbo Tax - you'll also know how to do your taxes, instead of just handing them off to your parents and wondering what the hell a W2 is.

Your body will eventually start rejecting anything it views as "excess." Sugars, alcohol, carbohydrates and that extra beer at trivia night will now plague you for at least 24 hours. You'll question whether you're lactose intolerant, if you should go gluten free or if all that Chipotle is really all it's cracked up to be. (Spoiler alert: it is).

You will catch yourself watching 4 hours of HGTV on a Sunday afternoon and planning out how you're going to approach this year's outdoor renovation as opposed to pounding beers at the bar while watching the afternoon game. If you're still pounding beers while watching the game, you're likely doing it at your house, because that way, you don't have to wear real pants.

You will have a quarter life crisis. If it wasn't that weekend you tried to relive college, it will manifest itself in some other way, and to say that you will freak the fuck out would be an understatement. Whether you're at a concert seeing your favorite band and you realize you're surrounded by people who have X's on their hands because they're not 21, or you're passing the "you circa 2007" at the grocery store and realize his cart is full of pizza rolls and Doritos and yours is full of kale and your wife's organic granola - it will happen. There's no way to prepare. I suggest keeping a spare bottle of wine or whiskey in the house at all times.

You will have a party that has a bigger emphasis on food than alcohol. Sure, you're still going to binge drink wine, shitty domestic beer and take shots, but suddenly there are snacks. And not just snacks - delicacies from Pinterest now sit in aesthetically placed serve ware and there are plates and napkins. They're probably still plastic or disposable, but hey, we're almost 30 - we're still broke as shit.

Lowe's and Home Depot are now active words in your vocabulary - and you will pick a favorite. No one equally loves Lowe's and Home Depot. There has to be a winner. Spoiler alert: the winner is Lowe's.

One cup of coffee will no longer cut it. Nor will sugary fun drinks from Starbucks. No, your 8:00-5:00 lifestyle will merit at least two cups a day, and you'll need to establish a preferred brew because that cute, trendy Starbucks habit you picked up in your early 20s will just not fit into your new budget.

The clothes you once deemed as "dress up" clothes will soon become a thing of the past. This especially happens once you get married, as my husband has quickly learned. Now, going out to dinner typically merits a button down shirt that has - gasp - a collar. You'll learn that the only places you feel comfortable wearing a hoodie and yoga pants are the grocery store or the gym. Or, if you'd like, to Lowe's or Home Depot (but remember, not both - pick a favorite).

You will eventually learn that you cannot consume as much food and alcohol as you used to without seeing it on your body somewhere. You will also decide that, in most cases, you'd much rather eat your calories. Food > alcohol.

You will learn that the rack that scored you your first bartending job or that charming smile that got you through that impossibly hard college course with the hot GA will not earn you one single point in the real world if you don't have the work ethic, personality and brains to back it up. Anyone worth having a conversation with will care more about what you bring to the table than what you bring to the bedroom. This goes for absolutely everything, both personally and professionally. Act accordingly.


Getting older has its perks - vacation time, salaries, knowing how to cook a real dinner and being able to afford wine that doesn't come from a box are pretty fantastic, really. Consider all of this a warning though, as there are unintended consequences that often come with things like being able to afford good wine - things like being hungover (or awkwardly drunk alone by yourself on a Tuesday) after just two glasses.

before you turn 30, read this.

It seems like lists are everyone's favorite thing since sliced bread - in particular, lists by other people we don't know full of things we ought to do by the time we reach a certain age. By the time you're 25, you should know how to write a good cover letter. Newsflash: I still cannot write a good cover letter, and I'm not even a bad writer. By the time you're 30, you're supposed to have furniture that doesn't come from IKEA. But what if you have dogs who will destroy anything you ever invested money in and therefore continue to buy inexpensive furniture on purpose?

Bottom line: These lists are kind of horseshit. Let's all imagine a world where everyone's on the same page - everyone wants the same things by the time they hit a certain age, right? Wrong. I don't give one single shit if I have a piece of expensive art in my house, ever. I'd rather hang inexpensive frames full of photos of my dogs, husband, family and friends. I do not care if I ever have clean baseboards - I've accepted defeat and know that no matter how hard I try, there will always be dog hair clumped somewhere in my house, no matter how frequently I vacuum. So, without further ado, here are the things I think are worth doing, knowing or having before you turn 30. I know, I'm just another person you don't know writing a list of things I think you should do. How hypocritical is this bitch? 

Learn about your money. It is yours, after all. Whether it's the breakdown of taxes on your pays stub, which tax bracket you fall into during tax season or finally establishing your 401k (I legitimately just started this yesterday), I think investing knowledge in your money is one of the most important things in the world. If you know where it's going, chances are, you'll end up with more of it. 

Settle. No, I don't mean settle for less than you're worth or something that doesn't make you happy. But eventually, it's important to slow down and physically settle - there's something beautiful about chasing dreams, but let's not forget to embrace the life we have in this very moment. Even if it's not postcard perfection, it's still pretty perfect in its own way. 

Grammar and spelling: Figure it out. I'll toot my own horn and say that I figured this out back in middle school, so this is really just a recommendation to the rest of you. If you're quickly approaching the age where you're supposed to be able to put together an excellent cover letter according to someone else's "to do" list, you might want to know the difference between your and you're. 

Have friends who make you better. If you haven't purged yourself of the toxic relationships in your life, now's the time. Life is too short to spend time with people who don't want you to be the best version of you, and who aren't willing to help you get there. 

Stop dating the wrong people. That doesn't mean you won't still get hurt, learn or make mistakes, but if you're wasting your time sleeping with someone casually who doesn't give a damn about wining and dining you, then stop. You're better than that. You're, not your.

Take pride in what you have. It's really not about buying expensive furniture or wearing super fancy professional suits. Take care of what you have. Take pride in the money you spent to acquire whatever you have and stop treating everything like you did your first college apartment. 

Be passionate about something, and do it. Even if you're not fortunate enough to make a living off your passion, you can still find a way to incorporate it into your life. Volunteer, work part time, take time out of your busy "must-do-this-in-order-to-pay-the-bills" life to do something that truly inspires you.

Don't take your health for granted. Do whatever you need to do to appreciate your health. Eat right, quit smoking, stop drinking so much, start working out. No one says you need to run a half marathon and go on a raw diet for months on end, but you should have enough common sense to know that what you ignore about your health right now will manifest itself in the form of expensive healthcare bills and quite possibly a lot of pain later in life.

Have more than a "right now" plan. That doesn't mean you need a 10 year plan, or even a 5 year one. It does mean that it's beneficial to think more than a month or so into the future. Whether you're dreaming of a bucket list vacation that means you start saving now, or you're projecting a completion date on schooling or certification programs to better yourself professionally, it helps to have goals that go beyond the monthly "don't spend my electric bill money on these new shoes or binge eating at Chipotle this month."

Stop comparing yourself to others. Professionally, personally, geographically - just don't do it. So your friend is living the dream working in Chicago and making triple what you make, or your best friend manages to work full time, have two beautiful children, an immaculately clean home and a well-satisfied husband (seriously, all of those together are 150% impossible) - this should have no bearing on your life whatsoever. Your life is absolute perfection, even if it doesn't look like someone else's on the outside. You'll be happier if you can realize this.

Grow up and tackle your debt. Credit card debt and student loans don't go away. Shocking, right? Make a commitment to improving your credit score and your overall financial situation by tackling debt early - before things like kids, big time mortgages and potential layoffs get in the way. Make a budget - once you realize you're spending an extra $500 a month on shit you can't even pinpoint, you'll be so sick over it that you'll gladly hop on the budget bandwagon. Dave Ramsey's "Debt Snowball" is actually pretty fantastic. Look it up.

Be nice to everyone - yes, everyone. It's true what they say - your character is measured by how you treat people who can do nothing for you. I don't care if you went to college, have your doctorate or went straight into the workforce post-high school - be nice. I mean it. You're not better than anyone, and the best of us know that how you treat people says more about you than it does about them.

Keep learning. Just because you're not in school and you're getting pretty savvy at your job doesn't mean you should stop learning or exploring. Don't let the Kardashians be your only topic of conversation. Take a class, READ, do research on something so completely random just because you saw it on a billboard and you want to know more about it. Never stop challenging yourself intellectually. 

Plan a bucket list trip. Even if you won't be able to afford it this year, or for the next three years - plan it. Buy a piggy bank and dedicate spare change and cash towards funding it. Rob and I want to go to Australia - we bought a $10 piggy bank shaped like a giant shark (said like "shawwwk" in true Aussie fashion), and we throw random cash into it when we can. It'll take us forever, but we refuse to let the dream die. 

Most importantly, make your own list. You should decide what you want out of life - whether you want it before a certain age, next week or in this lifetime. You write your own story - stop reading stupid lists other people make about what you ought to be doing (except this list, because I'm fantastic). 

Happy list-making, friends!

one hell of a year.

The end of the year blog posts. I hate them. I hate sentimentally looking through my year, gushing over the moments with readers who probably don't give a damn and making my life sound so much cooler than it probably is in reality. But, after doing my Flipagram video of pictures (seriously, download the free app - it's kind of cool), it made me stop and take a moment to think about at just how awesome this year was. So, in true cliche blogger form, I have to highlight some of the biggest moments that took place this year.

Some of our closest friends got married. My best friend since childhood tied the knot with her best friend, and Rob and I's friends said "I do" just a few months before that. In addition to our own big day, we got to share in their moments as well - and it's been so fantastic to see these couples embrace marriage and grow together. I don't think I've ever caught the "marriage fever" that makes some girls giddy with glee over weddings. I think I'm just finally at a point in my life where I'm genuinely happy to share in other people's happiness.

I ran oh-so-many races. Tis the season to become a better runner, and I'm definitely no exception this year. I fell in love with running a few years ago, but I've never made more progress, both in speed and distance, like I did this past year. I trimmed a solid 5-7 minutes off my 5k pace, ran my first 10k and finished my second half marathon in 2:32:56, almost a full half hour off my time in 2011. I cut almost 10 minutes off my Turkey Trot 5 mile run and ran more races this year than ever before. I discovered the Galloway method of incorporating frequent walk breaks into run intervals, which taught me that walking doesn't make you a weaker runner - it can make you faster. And honestly, I don't say this very often - if ever, but I know I inspired people to become runners. And that makes my heart full. 

I made new friends, and renewed old friendships. Forming the Healthy Habits Dayton group has allowed me to reconnect with old friends and make brand new ones. As an adult, it's not always easy making new friends - let alone ones who continuously push you to be your best. I'm so incredibly thankful for these ladies, and for the constant inspiration and support they provide. 

I had so much fun at the lake. A new ski boat brought a summer full of new adventures with my family. We spent weekends wakeboarding and wakesurfing (let's face it - I watched), stayed on the water until the sun went down and woke up early to do it all again. We ate fresh brownies from the local general store, drank entirely too much Bud Light Lime and laughed until we cried as we rocked our seriously awesome dance moves a the local tiki bar. It was the kind of lake summer that makes you immediately start the countdown until it can happen again. 

I O-H-I-O'd on the field at the Horseshoe and in Michigan's stadium. If you're a Buckeye, this needs no other explanation. 

I got involved. It's been a longtime goal of mine to get involved with a local animal rescue organization, and I was given the opportunity this past fall when I accepted a part time position as an offsite event coordinator with the Humane Society of Greater Dayton. I'm still so new to this experience, but I'm incredibly thankful for the opportunity. We have our two big mutts at home, and though I know we can't take on anymore animals in our home, I finally feel like I'm doing something I'm passionate about. It's long overdue, but proof that it's never too late to get involved and make a difference. 

I got [more] fit. I am not at my goal weight yet. I still have progress to make, and I still have weight to lose. I've gained a cushiony 6 pounds since I got back from the wedding and am ready to devote myself back to fitness and health now that the holidays are over. I learned a lot about eating clean, about moderation in food and exercise, and about balancing life and the pursuit of weight loss. I've also learned that there is no beginning and end to this journey - and it requires a constant evaluation of how I approach my new healthier lifestyle. Most importantly, I'm learning (yes, still learning) to approach health based on how it makes my body feel, not how it looks on a scale. Also - the Air Force Marathon regram/d me. And that makes me feel fancy. 

I got married. Oh come on, like you didn't think I'd save the best for last? But really - I did get married. A year's worth of planning, coordinating with vendors through emails, not seeing anything in person except for a brief trip in April - it all paid off. We got married in Hilton Head Island, and there's not a day that goes by that I don't wish I could go back and relive that entire day over and over again. I get so overwhelmed just thinking about it that I can't even find the words to describe it (and seriously, if I can't find the words, we know it must be intense). I want to live that moment over and over again, on repeat. I want to live there, to do my morning run through the sand where we said "I do," and have breakfast on the patio like I did with the girls on wedding day. Over and over again. And again.

Photo credit goes to the lovely Jen at Carolina Photosmith

This doesn't even begin to cover it. I took a day trip to Hocking Hills with Rob and the dogs, went to Chicago, took a wedding-planning trip to Hilton Head in April, watched my brother graduate college, laughed until I cried with my family, went to baseball games, drank margaritas, celebrated friends' promotions and life changes, and laid in the grass with my dogs on warm sunny days. 

I've spent so many years coming up with lists of things I want to do. I have lists in my head of bucket list items that still sit untouched, and I feel the time desperately slipping away from me every single day. That being said, 2013 was proof of just how much we're capable of. I did so much in just 12 months, and it makes me so hopeful of what the future holds. 

We are so capable of achieving anything we want out of this life. Don't forget it. 

resolutions worth keeping.

As we approach the new year, most of you are probably mentally scrolling through all the things you'd like to accomplish next year. You'll most likely want to lose that extra weight, train for a half marathon, volunteer more, get engaged, be more organized and finally grow that garden in your backyard so you can make homemade salsa. Don't get me wrong - those are all lofty goals. I'm personally a big fan of resolutions, whether they're made in January or in the middle of the year. Anytime you decide to better yourself or the lives of people around you, you ought to be applauded. What I also think, though, is that there are so many simpler, more feasible things you can do every single day to make the world a better place. Here are some of my recommended resolutions worth keeping in 2014:

Be polite. This should be a no-brainer, but sometimes we are so self-involved that we fail to realize how unintentionally rude some of our actions are. Here are some simple things you can do to exercise this civil obligation:

• When someone opens or holds a door for you, thank them.
• When crossing a parking lot and a car stops for you to pass, show a little respect by giving them a "thank you" wave and, if physically possible, hustle your ass across the street. This goes for drivers too - if it's raining, snowing or otherwise inclement weather, stop to let pedestrians cross. Seriously.
• Be nice to customer service representatives. Usually, they're just the messenger, and if they are able to do you any favors, they sure as hell won't exercise that power if you're being a jerk.
• If you're in customer service, be nice to your customers. Part of your job is to make a consumer's experience as pleasant as possible - unless of course they're rude to you. But even then, kill 'em with kindness. 

Be more self sufficient. How much do you rely on something or someone else? Whether you're living on someone else's dime, checking your phone every 5 minutes or constantly filling your free time with trashy reality television, we could all learn to be slightly more reliant upon ourselves and less so on other people and mindless forms of entertainment. Read a book. Have a conversation. Take care of the people who take care of you. Eat those leftovers before they go bad instead of going to Chipotle instead. 

Pay it forward all year. Around the holidays, you always hear about people paying it forward. Newsfeeds are full of people who had their coffee paid for by the car in front of them, by strangers paying off gifts on layaway. Who says we can only do that in December? Surprise someone by paying it forward on a random June day, or by donating to your favorite charity organization with a fraction of your tax return instead of during the holidays. Imagine if we kept up the notion that there is still hope for humanity for 12 months a year instead of just 1 - maybe at Thanksgiving, when people are inundating your Facebook newsfeed with their "daily thankful" post, we'd have more to talk about. 

Be conscious. How many times have you arrived at work in the morning only to realize you don't have the faintest recollection of the drive there? My morning commute is so habitual, I could do it with my eyes closed. How much of our lives are we living that way? Make an attempt at being more actively engaged in your life - it is yours, after all. Instead of zoning out, turn the music up. Instead of letting your brain flatline on your way to work, think proactively about your day. Glance at the person in the car next to you and imagine what their life is like - use your imagination, think creatively, and learn to realize when you're going unconscious. 

Speak less, listen more. Make a decision right now that you will not mouth off unless you know what the hell you're talking about. So much of this country's problem is how quickly we are to speak before we listen. The freedom of speech is a beautiful thing, and technology has allowed us to really utilize this in a way that, often times, is really pretty awesome. That being said, it's also allowed us to communicate too easily before critically engaging ourselves with the topic at hand. Learn to back up your argument. Educate yourself. Stop repeating things you hear about politics, healthcare, the government, voter rights, welfare, immigration, the war, diet and nutrition, exercise, animal rights and every single celebrity who had a baby and wants you to know about it, just because you heard it from so-and-so and therefore it must be right. Imagine if we all had the tools to speak and communicate whenever we wanted, but we thought first instead of lashing out. Imagine if we actively realized that what we said on Facebook or in a text or in the comments of a news blog would actually be on a screen for someone else to see across the world. Imagine if we realized how permanent the things we say are now, how quickly spread our ideas could be - and made sure to speak accordingly. 

Go private. Social media has allowed some of our most precious moments to be publicly seen and heard across the world. Our Christmas gifts, newborn babies, new puppies, engagements, weddings and what we had for dinner are all just part of a normal day on Facebook. (Side note: I did not know how popular it was to propose to people on Christmas until yesterday's Facebook newsfeed viewing). But before Facebook, there was a time when those moments were shared with the select few people you cared about the most. The surprise dinner your husband prepared for you was made specifically for you to see, not the people from high school you don't even keep in touch with anymore who are scrolling through your photos. The engagement ring your fiance picked out was something he spent months saving for, weeks picking out and days planning the most perfect engagement. He confided in his closest friends and your families, and you just showed everyone like he picked it up at the supermarket (don't get me wrong - I totally did it too - but putting it in perspective makes you think). The pictures you post of your kids will still be on the internet in 10 years when they're old enough to Google themselves. Those are special moments. Those are YOUR moments. By all means, share things you want the world to see and know - but think critically before you take some of your most precious memories and moments and allow them to become someone else's. 

Push yourself. Think critically about the things in your comfort zone and the things outside of it. Make a resolution to force yourself outside of that comfort zone and into something you know will turn you into a better person. As for me? That's running. Half marathons take discipline and training that I don't normally have the mental or physical energy for - but making a commitment to do it makes me physically and emotionally better in the long run. Whatever you think you can't do but secretly want to - decide to do it in 2014. 

Engage. Take everything I've said up until this point, combine it all and become more engaged in your own life. Have more face-to-face conversations. Ask your grandparents questions before it's too late. Run a race. Spend too much money on the best meal of your life. Rescue an animal. Have a baby (on purpose). Chat up a stranger in a waiting room instead of mindlessly checking Facebook again. Read. Learn. Go for a walk instead of watching another SVU rerun (that one will be hard for me). Give someone a chance. Don't be so quick to judge. Soak up a beautiful sunrise on your morning commute instead of getting pissed that you got stuck behind the school bus (God, I hate that). Ask your friends questions instead of just talking about yourself. Take a minute in your most monumental moments to reflect on how you feel. 

Also, have better grammar. And don't post your shit on Facebook unless you do it with the appropriate versions of your and you're. 

Being a better person in 2014 isn't always about losing weight, eating clean and volunteering all your free time. Don't get me wrong - those are all on my list, too. But sometimes the best things you can do are the ones that change your perspective. The ones that change how you see the world, and that change how someone else sees the world. Your actions, however large or small, have the opportunity to change someone else's reality and you get to decide how that happens. How will you make 2014 a better year for you, and how will you make it better for the people around you? If you have the time, watch this:

http://postgradproblems.com/frustrated-with-growing-up-shut-up-and-watch-this-video/

Note: This post was inspired by a woman walking out of Kroger this afternoon who didn't even bother to acknowledge that I had stopped to let her pass with her Starbucks. On the bright side, without her lack of awareness, this post wouldn't exist, and I wouldn't have inspired anyone to be better in 2014. (God, please tell me I inspired at least one of you). 

It's going to be hard.

While browsing through my Facebook newsfeed today, I stumbled across a post from a person who will remain anonymous. She's a major leader in the health and wellness industry, and I actually really admire her. That being said, this person had posted a new program put on by a weight loss/fitness organization that, in all its big, bold pretty lettering, promised to make "losing weight as easy as 1, 2, 3."

I get it. Companies have to appeal to people. They have to come up with attention-grabbing, fun phrases that will attract new consumers for their product. But let's stop for a minute and think about what they're doing here. As easy as 1, 2, 3? I'm sorry, but eating a donut is as easy as 1, 2, 3. Losing weight is not. Losing weight is fucking hard. It's exhausting, time consuming and emotional. And when we believe that it's supposed to be as easy as counting to three, we're setting ourselves up for failure. Try counting to 1,000,000 in Japanese. Then we'll be a little closer.

I don't mean to deter people from making healthy changes. I just want people to have a realistic expectation of the road ahead. I want people to be inspired, motivated and encouraged by companies and organizations, not mislead by them. After a month, I don't want people to feel defeated because they haven't had the results they expected in the first place. I want people to start associating happiness with healthiness, not with weight loss. I want people to be aware. 

Instead of making weight loss look easy, let's make it look real. Let's show people's struggles, celebrate not only the successes, but the act of getting up just one more time after another perceived "failure." Let's celebrate the choice to make permanent lifestyle changes in our lives. Let's share the stories of failed attempts, good intentions gone wrong and the giant bowl of potato soup I immediately regretted after eating last night.

I don't want to believe that it's easy, and I don't want you to either. I want you to believe that incorporating healthy choices, both in food and exercise, will make you infinitely happier knowing you're treating your body well. I want you to know that making healthy eating choices, even if they don't show on the scale, is still worth celebrating.

I want you to know it's not as easy as 1, 2, 3 - and don't believe anyone who tells you otherwise.

I want you to know that you will gain some weight in the process of losing it, you will hit a goal "size" and realize it doesn't make you happy like you thought it would. You won't lose weight in all the places you want, and you'll have "trouble areas" for the rest of your life. You may realize, at some point, that your goal weight isn't going to happen - that your body won't be happy there. You will struggle to get back on track, due to this crazy thing we called "life." Things will take you off course - weddings, vacations, babies, new friends, and just plain old laziness. An SVU marathon will ruin a well-planned day of activity and you will, at some point, feel like a total dumbass in a gym, exercise class or fitness experience. You will look at yourself in the mirror and cry, laugh, celebrate and fantasize - sometimes all at the same time. You will search for motivation in some of the strangest places, and you'll get it from some of the most unexpected people. People will judge what you eat, and you'll start judging others. Worst of all - you'll start comparing yourself to others. Don't fall into this mind trap. Your happiness is yours and yours alone.

But somewhere in all of that, here's what else will happen: You'll be amazed at what your body is capable of. One day, that "I feel stupid" gym experience will turn into the "I feel like a rockstar" hour. You'll form a relationship with yourself, your body and your mind. You'll walk into that store you could never shop in and try on a size you haven't worn since high school. Sugar will make you sick - yes, that's a good thing. Learn from it. You will feel stronger, both mentally and physically, than you ever thought possible. You will post before and after pictures on Instagram and be overwhelmed with pride. You will see differences in your muscle definition way before anyone else does. You'll find yourself mindlessly choosing an apple instead of potato chips. Best of all, you will find happiness from treating your body like the temple that it is. 

Don't let anyone tell you it's going to be easy. Look around. If it were easy, we'd all be skinny healthy. But guess what? It's not easy, and that's why so many people choose the easy route. You don't have to be one of them, though. You can be stronger, fitter, healthier and yes - thinner. The best thing you can do though, is admit that it's going to be awful and hard and horrible and miserable sometimes. And, knowing all this, do it anyway.  

losing my habits.

Oh my, friends. I just looked at the date of my last post, and I sincerely apologize for the hiatus I've taken from blogging and, inevitably, for my healthy choices. The truth is, I've been avoiding blogging primarily because I've been avoiding confronting my lack of accountability lately. I refuse to blame being a newlywed as the source of my laziness. Rob and I already lived together prior to getting married so in the grand scheme of things, our lives are hardly any different than before. The months - hell, the year - leading up to the wedding were so stressful and full of meticulous planning. Every minute of every day was planned around work, workout schedules, half marathon training, wedding planning and preparation, on top of all the regular routines of life. Most of us struggle keeping up with the hectic reality of our everyday lives, and it's safe to say I took too much on at one time. Who, me? Never. 

So yes, part of my laziness lately has inevitably been due to the newlywed phase. But primarily, I've been relishing in our lives being back to normal. Normal. I hardly know what that word even means, but as I sit here cozied up with a blanket and a movie, I'm oh-so-consciously aware that I don't have any other obligations sitting on my shoulders. It's both daunting and refreshing, all at the same time.

I've always been driven by goals. Deadlines, due dates, planning and preparation. After college, you're left with so much empty time. No homework, no clubs, meetings and tests to study for. You're no longer obligated to get involved in anything you don't feel like getting involved in, but that means it takes even more gumption and initiative to give more of your time since there's really no motivation to do it anymore except your sheer desire to. That means that evenings are wide open for things like happy hours, ice cream dates, and spending hours on the couch with a good book or movie, a bowl of popcorn and a cup of hot chocolate (did you know that snacks have calories? I know, it's total bullshit).

Making the decision to fill those empty hours with workouts and cooking homemade, healthy meals was a major change in lifestyle for me. I commend myself for building the habit, for sticking with things even before I was "sweating for the wedding" or when I didn't have any major races to train for. I still indulged in life, and always will, but I somehow managed to blend weight loss seamlessly into my life until I was making choices just because it was part of my life, not because I was forcing myself to.

Have you ever stopped a habit? Have you ever built up your running mileage and then taken 2-3 weeks off? Ever swore you'd stop smoking, made it three weeks and then smoked half a cigarette from a friend at a bar? Then you know it's a downward spiral after that. Trying to hit the pavement after a 3 week running hiatus almost feels like starting over. The slightest bit of nicotine in your system can trigger an addictive quality all over again. The bottom line? You broke the habit. Well guess what? I broke the habit.

I came back from wedding wonderland 7 pounds heavier than before I left, and I'm only down about 2 of those. I'll have a day with great choices, get a workout in and spend the next two days eating all the food. I'm without a gym membership right now, and running as my only source of cardio isn't cutting it for me now that I'm not training for a race. This cold weather has me only wanting carbohydrate filled comfort meals, and the dark, cold mornings mean that morning workouts are a thing of the past. Calling this a funk, a rut or an "off week" would be a major understatement.

Yesterday, the Air Force Marathon page on Facebook shared a before and after photo I posted on Instagram shortly following my half marathon last month.

I do before and after shots all the time, mostly as a reminder to myself of how far I've come. But in this one, I had mentioned @afmarathon and they shared it on their Facebook page. It now has over 700 likes and several comments on Facebook, and I am so overwhelmed with the amount of support that's out there for not just me, but for anyone willing to make healthy changes in their lives and talk about it openly. That being said, seeing that yesterday made me feel like I'm hiding a giant secret. Because the truth is that I'm hardly on my A-game right now. I can't stop eating, can't stop making poor choices and cannot for the life of me get my healthy habits back. Those pictures show the success of dedication, motivation and determination - and right now, I am none of those things.

I will be again. And I'm hoping that by writing it openly here, I'll start a series of accountability methods because I really just hate crying wolf. Back when I kept a blog on Weight Watchers, there were a couple years where every few months had a new post about rededicating myself to the plan. I will not rededicate every few months. I will not. I will rededicate NOW, and build back up the healthy habits I know I'm capable of. 

So help me God. 

Here's to just doing it. 

from a smith in the south.

Greetings, friends! I'm writing to you as a married woman in beautiful Hilton Head Island, South Carolina. Yeah, I'm not real mad about it.

I could write to you all for days about the dirty details of my wedding, but I'll save that for later. Here are some of my favorite things about our big day - and some photos to show you just how fabulous the weather was, how wonderful my mother's hard work and decorations turned out, and how beautiful the entire day was.

I cried like a baby. I held my shit together ALL day. Like, lockdown. Everyone kept asking me how I felt, and I was completely honest - I felt nothing. I did a great job at taking mental pictures of everything, and I'm still actively reviewing them all. But I didn't feel a single thing until I was walking down the aisle with my dad, and saw Rob standing up there. I think almost everyone there - including some of the most cold hearted of my friends - teared up. Tears are a good thing. I'm so happy I had them. They're proof that I was engaged.

I tried to cut our cake with the serving utensil instead of the knife. And to think I'm the good cook between the two of us.

Rob had a rip in his pants before the reception even started.

My dad did the sprinkler, the shopping cart, made everyone in the audience cry and did a kickass air guitar to Journey.

My grandpa did the Gangnam Style dance.

The night of our wedding, my new husband's main priority was jumping into a pool full of straight men in his boxers.

We're still eating leftover wedding cupcakes. Mojito was totally the way to go.

In closing, here's what you're really here for - some photos :)

Our amazing photographer participating in our hashtag fun - this was so much fun to do with her, and I couldn't have imagined a more perfect person to shoot our wedding. Follow her on Instagram and Facebook - you won't be sorry!

Our reception - at the Dunes House in Palmetto Dunes. They did such a fabulous job setting up and hosting the most perfect evening we could have ever imagined. 

My mother, unbeknownst to me, took paw prints of both our dogs with washable ink, and had the prints framed and put at our table for the reception so the dogs could be with us for the wedding. I had totally locked up the tears during pictures with our photographer, and then lost it once I saw the prints. 

Centerpieces. My dad cut up old skids into wooden planks, topped with white lanterns filled with starfish. Mason jars filled with sand and tea lights sat alongside these, and my mom tied monkeys knots with rope to hold our place cards. Tables were named with iconic places in Hilton Head important to Rob and I, rather than typical table numbers. 

The #smithberryhhi hashtag was the best thing we've ever done. It was so fun to look through Instagram photos after the big day was over, and seeing everyone's take on the entire weekend was hilarious. 

The most beautiful scene this world has ever seen. Fifty of our favorite people in the same place, under the same beautiful sky, for the same reason.  

Welcome gifts for our wedding party and officiant - girls got Kate Spade bow bangles, guys got new Leatherman knives. Everyone got monogrammed towels with their initials and a fabulously designed welcome packet with sand dollar ornament.

If you're considering a destination wedding, I'd highly consider it. We couldn't be happier, and for as frustrating as it can be planning a wedding from afar, we were so thrilled with all our vendors, I can't even tell you how thankful we are. Each and every person, from the legal officiant we had sign our license, to our cake, amazing photographer and perfect DJ/musician, we were beyond thrilled. Here are the vendors we used - and who we'd recommend to you over and over and over again.

Wedding Venue: The Dunes House, Palmetto Dunes, Hilton Head Island, SC
Photograhper: Carolina Photosmith
Music: Johnny Breeze Event Entertainment 
Cake: Sweet Carolina Cupcakes 
Flowers: Flowers By Sue
Print Design: Beach Street Creative
Decorations: My Mother. As original as they come.