A response to "6 things I don't understand about the Fat Acceptance Movement"

There is an article on Thought Catalog floating around about the Fat Acceptance Movement. In it, the author discusses the 6 things she doesn't understand about the FAM. To be honest, I'm not hyper-aware of this movement, probably because I've spent most of my life having my own fat acceptance movement. I will say that she makes some really valid points. Read the whole article (and her follow-up) for yourself. But I also think it's a bit dramatic. When you're comparing extreme ends of a spectrum, it's easy to come to her short-sighted generalizations. But considering the CDC's chart for calculating your BMI leaves a large majority of us struggling to get to a medically "acceptable" number, it's safe to say there are quite a few of us that fall into an "overweight" or "obese" category that most logical thinkers (and even doctors, including my own) think is unrealistic. My doctor has even suggested a target weight for me that leaves me sitting in the "overweight" category. 

I'm not medically educated to give you a professional response to her article. All I can do is speak from experience, and I'm sure those of you with medical backgrounds may disagree with me. But since everyone's body is different, I can say wholeheartedly that I know exactly what my body is capable of. I'm still about 15-20 pounds from where I'd like to be, but the fact that I've already lost about 60 leaves me feeling pretty confident about my experiences in health and fitness. I've done everything the healthy way - no weight loss supplements, pills or extreme diets. Just good old-fashioned exercise and eating right.

1. America is extremely accepting of fat.

Are we? I don't necessarily agree that America is extremely accepting of fat, but that we're extremely tolerant of a sedentary, overindulgent lifestyle. Yes, everything from extra large portions to the lack of physical activity in schools and at home is so incredibly detrimental to the future of our society, and the country continues to perpetuate this lifestyle. It's not good - no, it's definitely not. As a lifestyle choice, we've accepted obesity, accepted sedentary and accepted laziness (to a certain extent - and no, I am not saying that fat people are lazy. Because I am technically "fat" and sure as hell not lazy.)

But, we are sure as hell not socially accepting of "fat people" ("fat" is a term I hate to even use). It's hard to say things like this: 

"Though there may be negative stereotypes, staring, bullying, or crude comments, the environment we live in is one that is incredibly tolerant of unhealthy lifestyles."

You cannot disregard the negative stereotypes, the staring, the bullying and the crude comments and pretend that they're not one of the driving forces behind the "Fat Acceptance Movement." Because the hate that comes from people is toxic and it's no different than the hate people experience from being in any kind of minority or demographic of people that others view as different from themselves. "Fat people" have the same souls, bones and hearts that anyone else has, and nobody knows this better than me.

2. “Body positivity” should include health.

You're damn right, it should. Body positivity should 100% include not only how we look on the outside, but how our insides look as well. Everything from the strength in our muscles to the kindness in our hearts should be part of evaluating your body. And who says it doesn't? I think the primary thought process behind this is that you need to learn to love yourself at any size because you are more than your body. Sure, you're the one living with it every day and if you're overweight or damaging your body, that's on you. But even if you choose to damage your body - be it through food, alcohol, cigarettes or ruining your knees and hips by running multiple marathons a year, you are entitled to the right to love your body. If you don't like your weight, you have the power to change it. But if you choose not to change it, you have the right to love your curves, love your body at any size. You also have a beautiful soul, a beautiful mind and a beautiful heart worth loving just as much as you should your external (and internal) shell. 

Health is both physical and mental. And I can tell you from experience that I ran myself into the ground last year trying to hit a number on the scale - trying to desperately get my BMI to a number it should be. Mentally? It was incredibly exhausting, controlled my life and to an extent, my relationships with others. Mentally, I made a personal decision for my health that it was okay to take a break, okay to be considered "obese" by medical standards as long as I was still treating my body right. And that's okay. It's all about balance.

Body positivity comes from understanding that happiness is not solely found in a number on the scale, a pant size or a BMI calculation. Body positivity comes from understanding that losing 100 pounds will not guarantee automatic happiness. That "fatness" isn't what's making you unhappy - most of us who have gone through any kind of substantial weight loss (and weight gain) can attest to the fact that somewhere along the journey, you learn that happiness isn't synonymous with weight loss - instead, we learn that it's associated with treating our bodies right, pushing ourselves, reaching goals and being the best versions of ourselves that we can be. Weight loss - the scale, your BMI, your pant size - that's all just a fabulous extra. But when the scale plateaus, when we've had an "off week," a bad binge session or you've even gained some weight - that's when the importance of body positivity comes into play. The realization that it's more about learning to love yourself, your body and your own heart along the road to "healthy," even if you don't fit into someone else's definition of it. 

3. “Health at every size” seems physically impossible.

Health at every size is not physically impossible. Yes, when you're comparing extremes at opposite ends of a spectrum, then sure - you have a very solid argument. Anorexia and other eating disorders are not healthy, even if you're a size zero. And being hundreds of pounds overweight while religiously consuming processed food and living a sedentary lifestyle isn't healthy either. But here's my personal tidbit for you:

At my highest weight, I was considered "obese" on the BMI charts. And I was. I ate like shit, didn't work out and deserved every single pound I had. Now, I'm 50 pounds less and because of my height, still considered "obese" on the BMI charts. I eat clean and healthy probably 70-80% of the time, I work out approximately 5 days a week and I can probably do more pushups than you. Are my insides 100% healthy and in the best shape they could be in? Probably not yet. But do I think I'm healthy? Absofuckinglutely. I've run 2 half marathons in pretty great times, regularly participate in bootcamp and try to fuel my body the best way I know how.

What I'm saying is that within reason, you really can be healthy at any size. Is a 350 pound sedentary person who decides to lose weight not "healthy," even though she's lost 100 pounds and is now regularly active, just because she still has another 100 pounds to lose? Maybe not by a flat definition of "healthy," but I guarantee at her yearly checkup, her doctor will give her a standing ovation, tell her she's much healthier than last time and encourage her to continue forward in her journey. It's all about perspective.

4. People are allowed to not be attracted to certain body types.

You're 100% correct. People are allowed not to be attracted to certain body types. And when you're not attracted to someone, you try to be a normal human being and not target that "unattractive" demographic with hateful comments and snarky remarks at a bar about how you "would love to get cozy with her, but she'd probably suffocate you." Yes, that remark was made to me at a rooftop bar in D.C. in 2008. So yes, you're allowed to not be attracted to "fat people," the same way that everyone has a "type" that they're usually interested in. But you're not allowed to be hateful. Because, here's a shocker - fat people have feelings, too.

5. Food addiction is a real medical problem.

It is. There's no way to get around that. The food we put into our body triggers different reactions in our brains, and learning to combat that is really difficult. We should 100% address this, and I have no argument for this one. I've never had an issue with working out - my weight problem has always been attributed to my issues with food, so I really can't even argue this if I tried.

6. Childhood obesity is something we can’t be accepting of.

No, it cannot. You are so right. Especially when our country's demographic of young people are so poorly uninformed about health, weight and the effects of activity and nutrition. Instead of accepting "fat" as the new "okay" for people at any age, we ought to be educating young people, changing their perspectives and encouraging them to treat their bodies like the temples they are. No. Doubt. About. It.

According to the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance, the vision of NAAFA is to have "a society in which people of every size are accepted with dignity and equality in all aspects of life." And quite frankly, the one thing I don't understand about Hall's article is why she didn't just address this. Because there's nothing wrong with wanting that. Sure, is it some backhanded kind of way telling people it's okay to be "fat?" Maybe. And in her follow-up article, she does address the financial liabilities we face as a nation can get expensive. But should we treat people of any size equally? Yes. No questions asked. If you decide to judge, make a rude comment or snarky remark, let it be because someone wronged you, not because you're judging a book by its cover. I have lived "obese" for most of my life, and most of you who know me now wouldn't consider me "obese" for a second. My doctor doesn't consider me "obese" and will willingly admit that BMI is shit anyway. It's all about balance. Most consciously overweight people will struggle internally with their weight for the rest of their lives - the Fat Acceptance Movement aims to promote a sense of self-appreciation despite our flaws and maybe even because of them. And while we all struggle to come to terms with our own self-worth, it's not your fucking job to determine it for us.

tonight, I am so mad.

I haven't blogged in a really long time. Mainly because I've gained a little weight back and writing about it sort of makes me sick. But also because I just haven't felt like it. Sorry.

But tonight, I'm mad. So I'm writing, because my anger is way too intense and way too long to put into a passive aggressive Facebook status.

I'm mad because sometimes, people are so mean. So cruel. So heartless. We are a brilliant population full of great minds who cure diseases, educate children, keep our cities safe. We run businesses, fuel the economy (sometimes) and build buildings. But tonight, I saw a video on Facebook of two teenage girls lighting a turtle on fire. No, I'm not even posting the link for you because that would be further fueling the fire. And no, I couldn't watch the entire thing. I read about it - how the turtle eventually starts screaming it its shell while the girls watch on, record it and laugh. I wouldn't let myself get that far before turning it off.

But seriously. Two teenage girls lit a turtle on fire. And watched it suffer. For fun. A few months ago, two girls plotted to stab their friend to death in pursuit of some "Slender Man" fantasy (I'm too old for this shit) and the victim barely survived. Their best friend.

A few months ago, someone dumped two dead dogs and a box of malnourished puppies on the front step of our local humane society in what is now an ongoing humane investigation. Dead dogs. My newsfeed is plagued with this. I'm sure yours is, too. Plagued with toxic news. Neglected animals. Innocent teenagers sitting in a classroom.

I'm so mad. I'm so mad at us. I don't have to remind you that I much prefer the company of animals over people, so I tend to get really worked up over animal neglect and abuse. But as humans, we're better than this. We're better than watching animals suffer for our enjoyment. For the hope of a viral video on the internet. We're better than turning the other cheek to shit we're too scared to stand up for. We're capable of so much. So much. And look at us. Lighting fucking turtles on fire and throwing our dogs into oncoming traffic on the highway because we "can't have pitbulls in our new apartment."

I'm so fucking angry.

But we're not all like this. Wedged between the stories of violence, neglect, hunger and turning a blind eye are countless hearts. Countless volunteers. People who camp out all day in hope of getting the scared stray dog to finally trust them. People who carry malnourished dogs out basements and to a brighter future. People dropping food off at their church pantry. People orchestrating community meals, speaking out against sexual violence, and fostering the bucket of puppies someone was too cowardly to own up to.

We are here. I am here. These are the people who run circles over and over again, picking up the pieces of someone else's "trash." People who realize that lives - animals' and people's - are not disposable. People who value your existence not because they know you, because they don't, but because they have enough respect for humanity to know that you deserve a chance. There could be twice as many of us, and there would still be things we can't change - people we can't save, animals we can't help. But sometimes, these are the only people in this world who convince me that we're not doomed.

Sometimes it's enough to keep me optimistic. But tonight, I'm having a hard time shutting out the images of teenage girls lighting turtles on fire. Again - lighting turtles on fire. And laughing. I don't know where we went astray. I don't know what's changed, where this transition in mental instability happened - or maybe it's just that the internet and the media has made what's already existed so much more available. But whatever it is, we have got to get it together. 

I know this is a rant. I know I'm just fired up, and tomorrow I'll go look at a Buzzfeed of the 25 most adorable animal hugs and try to fill my heart with butterflies again. But tonight, I am so mad.

Guest Post: Uncomfortable [the realities of weight maintenance]

I have something very special for all of you - my first guest post! This comes from a woman very near and dear to my heart, as she's been my best friend for over 20 years. Like most of us, she's in those "closer to 30" years and juggles countless social and career obligations, including being a rockstar kindergarten teacher, a grad student and a fairly recent newlywed. She also still finds time to be my faithful running partner, holding me accountable on those days when it's hot and humid and I'd much rather get ice cream than hit the pavement. She definitely juggles many hats (and does it incredibly well), but one of the most important things she's committed herself to is a living a healthy lifestyle. She lost over 30 pounds by exercising and changing her eating habits, and it didn't happen overnight. She's an amazing inspiration, but like so many people who have reached their weight loss goals, she struggles with the one thing that nobody really talks about: maintenance. Check out her post on life post-weight loss. I feel incredibly blessed to be constantly inspired by her, and comforted by her words and her willingness to address the realities of balancing a healthy lifestyle with the temptations of real life.

Uncomfortable

Summer sucks when you feel fat. Uncomfortable in your own skin. Sweating like crazy as the temperatures rise rapidly, and you cling for your life to your skin covering jeans. Longing to indulge in an ice cream cone and the delicious treats at a family cookout. But there is this nagging in the back of your mind. "If you eat that, you'll regret it." "Remember how those shorts looked in the fitting room the other day?" "Do you really want to run the 5 miles worth of calories you'll ingest in just a few bites?" "You already had your cheat meal yesterday, and you didn't exercise at all."

Losing the 30 pounds was almost easy. Making the life change to be aware of everything I put in my body was the best decision I have ever made. It turns out you don't have to buy a pack of Oreos at the grocery every week in order to maintain a healthy diet. Who knew? Making exercise a part of my daily routine was a breeze. Running turned into a passion. When you're losing weight, everyone wants to be your friend. Everyone wants to know how you did it. What's your story? They'll often tell you, "You're my inspiration." They are all there cheering you on with encouraging words. Your clothes start to hang off your body, and shopping is a reward.

Maintaining weight is one of the most challenging obstacles I have ever encountered. It is so difficult to say no to poor food choices. There are temptations everywhere. Like the free chips at your favorite Mexican restaurant. Or drinks with your co-workers at a Friday happy hour. "You lost 30 pounds, it's okay to let loose a little," people will tell you. Exercise starts to become more of a chore. The nagging voice returns: "If I don't go today, my arms will start to feel flabby." "I'll lose a few seconds on my average mile pace." When you're maintaining weight, the world all of a sudden seems to fall silent. The encouraging words are replaced with crickets. You start to wonder if they really are crickets, or if the people that were once your supporters and fans are just speaking words they would never dare speak to your face. Your clothes start to become tight. Shopping is a punishment. Every pound, even just one, sends you into a panic. If I can gain one back, what's to say I can't gain all 30?

I'm struggling to find a happy medium. A place where I feel comfortable. Where I feel proud of my accomplishments, and not burdened by them. I'm struggling to come to terms with the fact that it is okay to let loose. It is okay to go up a pant size. I'm struggling to remember that I started this journey in search of a healthy life. It was never about a number. It was never about a size.

Like what Sara has to say? Tell us about it in the comments section below. You can also follow Sara's blog where she focuses primarily on teaching strategies (but I think she has plenty of wise things to say about living a healthy lifestyle, don't you think?) Till next time, friends!

the real social network: why I'm facebook free.

It would be narcissistic of me to assume that you're all trying to figure out why you're not seeing witty statuses from me - tilting your head in a state of confusion as you stare, perplexed, at your computer when my name doesn't come up in the blue search bar at the top of the screen. Eventually, after scouring for any trace of photos or check-ins, you discover the truth: she either got rid of her Facebook account, or she unfriended me. (Allow me to take this opportunity to show you this commercial, if you haven't seen it).

No, but really. I don't think that's what you did. That's just what I do when someone I'm used to routinely checking in on decides to up and abandon their social media life as we know it. Truth be told, I did deactivate my Facebook account. I will not offer you some passive aggressive remarks about how I need to rid myself of the "drama," or pretend to seem cooler and more obscure than I really am (obscure is a word I only use when referring to the number of calories I consume in a day). What I will tell you is this: it was a long time coming.

At the start of this year, I made a couple resolutions - one of which involved making a genuine effort at privatizing my life, being a better friend and listener, and learning to have better human relationships instead of the ones we're so accustomed to on the Internet. Unfortunately, Facebook fits absolutely nowhere when it comes to accomplishing this. But Lauren, you could keep Facebook and just stop posting stuff about your life, you know. Yes, I could. But here's what else I'm failing on every time I open up my Facebook account at work, in line at Chipotle, or waiting at that red light - I'm learning all about YOUR life without having to have a single conversation with you about it. Doesn't that bother you? That you're telling everyone all about the details of your relationship, adulthood trials and tribulations and about your child's first baseball game without anyone even having to put forth the effort to ask you about it? If it doesn't bother you, maybe it should.

Having access to my life, private or public, is not your God given right. Before social media, you had to earn someone's trust and respect before you got the dirty details of the job they hate or access to those precious newborn or wedding photos. You had to call them on the phone, meet for coffee, or speak face to face in order to solidify a solid relationship with people. Now, we're giving it away for free. Our first instinct is to check-in, post a photo of it, and tell everyone about that hilarious thing your kid did today. I'm so guilty of it. And quite frankly, I don't know that I have the will power to continue having an account without posting those fun tidbits about my life.

Don't get me wrong, Facebook isn't all bad. It's given us a great opportunity to keep in touch with people we wouldn't normally be able to see, to stay updated on what long distance family members are up to, and it's essentially eliminated the need for me to attend high school reunions (a major win in my book). I just think we're being awfully cavalier about the personal details of our lives. I don't care where you went to dinner. I don't need to know that you got your tax return. I don't need to know the dirty details of your pregnancy - and I sure as hell don't need to know about it in the form of a four-line status infiltrated with bad grammar and punctuation. What I want to know about is who you are. Who you are when no one is looking, how you feel about your first six months of marriage, the fight you still routinely have with your parents and how having kids has 100% changed your marriage and it scares you to death. And guess what? All of those things belong in a real life, breathing conversation. Not on the Internet.

So I encourage you to still reach out to me. I'll still be making a genuine effort at reaching out to you, too. I may not see every single picture you post of your dog, or where your husband took you for dinner last night, but I still very much care about the people most important to me, and it's for that reason alone that I'm making a valid effort at having better human relationships. You'll probably see me more, and hear from me less. And I hope to know more about your life from your own mouth, and not from the personality you portray on the Internet.

Consider it my social experiment, and my heartfelt attempt at bettering my own life by doing something that, believe it or not, is actually difficult to do. I love love love utilizing Facebook to advocate for the Humane Society of Greater Dayton and to post photos and information on adoptable animals, so I will inevitably be back at some point. But a break is always good.

Also, I still have Twitter and Instagram. I got rid of Facebook, but I'm not dead. Come on.

things you need in your life

There are a few things that are making me extra happy lately. Let it be said that most of those things are easily influenced by the fact that it's almost 60 degrees and sunny outside today - a rarity in Ohio lately. Before it snows tomorrow and we all briefly go back to hating the weather, I'll recommend some of my favorite favorites to brighten your day:

Songs you should download: 

"Girls Chase Boys" - Ingrid Michaelson
"Sleeping With A Friend" - Neon Trees
"Shark Attack" - Grouplove

Worth sweating for:
A great bootcamp (find one, seriously)
Running outside. Today is a great day to start.

Feel good story of the week:
This amazing dog transformation.

You should drink:
Iced coffee (half the syrup with a splash of nonfat milk, for you Starbucks goers).
Passion tea lemonade, also at Starbucks - again, half the syrup.

Worth saving for:

Tory Burch flats. Seriously. 

Challenge yourself to:

#100happydays

Swear less.

Volunteer more. Start with animals.

Instant happiness:

Get your car washed. Or do it yourself.

Put your windows down.

Worth Crying Over:
The Chevy dog commercial. 

Cook this:

Spaghetti Squash Lasagna Boats 

Asian Chicken & Veggies with Spicy Peanut Sauce

Organizations worth supporting:

Humane Society of Greater Dayton

Halfway There Rescue

That's it, folks. Your weekly dose of how I'm staying happy. Now get off your butts and go enjoy this sunshine - because it's going to snow tomorrow. 

#100happydays

It never ceases to amaze me how easy it is to be negative. It's almost natural. You sleep through your alarm, it's raining on your morning commute and the line at Starbucks is too long. Our first instinct is to think, Oh my God - EVERYONE is getting throat punched today. I do it. All. The. Time. It seems to me that being happy is the hard part. It requires a conscious effort in a world full of things that often seem specifically designed to derail your day. Our minds are so clouded by the jerk who cut us off on the highway that we fail to see the beautiful sunrise on the way to work, or we don't pay attention to the teenager who stopped to help an elderly woman load groceries into her car. I have no idea why we're like this - I have absolutely zero psychological assessment on why negativity is easier than optimism. But it's this whole idea that prompted me to sign up for the 100 Happy Days challenge.

What is it? Exactly that. Challenging yourself to find the happiness in each day for 100 days. Sign up for the challenge and post your happiness photos on your preferred social media platform. Sure, it sounds like a significant waste of social media time and energy, right? This was my first reaction, until I started realizing that it would require me to do one (or both) of these two things: First, I need to stop being so negative so I can find the happiness in each day. Second, I may have to go make my own happiness. Make your own happiness? But that sounds like so much efforttttt. Yep. And that's the point. When every single damn thing has gone wrong in a day, when you can't find the silver lining - you will have to make your own happiness. A cat nap. A friendly gesture. A few minutes of meditation. An iced coffee or a great workout. It dawns on me that it is not the world's job to provide you with epic sunsets, monumental soundtracks and strangers' good intentions so you can snap photos and declare your own kind of happy. It's an independent responsibility to ourselves to make our own happiness - by choosing to see the world differently and by forcing ourselves to squeeze in daily amounts of happiness when you just can't see it in others.

I realize there are a ridiculous amount of people participating in this challenge, so you don't need me to clarify what it means to partake. But before you sign up and start snapping photos of sunrises, think critically about what it's really challenging you to do - it's not about bogging down your Instagram feed or trying to snap photos in an angle that will get you the most "likes" on Facebook. It's for you. All. About. You.

Self-improvement and paving the road towards a more optimistic perspective seems like a no brainer, right? Stick around for weekly happiness updates and what makes me happy - in the meantime, follow me on Instagram at @closerto30 for a daily dose of what makes me smile. I'll do my best to post more than just pictures of my dogs.

the deep dark secrets of getting older.

Getting older is fun. I mean, not in the way that partying all night, making out with that cute guy at the bar and giggling about it with your college roommates at hangover brunch the next day (all on your parents' dime, I might add) is fun - but yeah, sure, growing up is fun. It's a different kind of fun - one filled with new adventures in homeownership, having enough money to take fun trips and learning what a 401k actually is and how it benefits you to have one.

But there are a few things you stumble upon when you find yourself getting older - things you never expected, and things that often come with unexpected consequences. Take for instance the fact that, 24 hours later, I'm still suffering from a food hangover from last night's dinner - and no, there wasn't even wine involved. My body is just at a point where it stops and says to me, "No, this isn't going to work out very well for you." So, without further adieu, here are the things that inevitably happen when you get closer to 30.

You will go back to your college town with all the hope and excitement of reliving that one perfect college weekend, only to realize you seriously can't hang like you used to. Between Bacardi and diets (and you're only drinking rum because the bartender looked at you funny when you asked if they had your preferred bottle of Riesling), you'll be downing 5 hour energy drinks and asking for waters. At brunch the next morning, you'll scoff at the girls who didn't have the decency to take last night's makeup off (because heaven forbid that was ever you).

You will plan out which bills you're going to pay when you get your tax return, not what new pair of shoes to buy. You will have every penny of that blessed tax return carefully put away towards debt, your upcoming vacation or new furniture investments before Turbo Tax can even ask you if you have any dependents to claim. Speaking of Turbo Tax - you'll also know how to do your taxes, instead of just handing them off to your parents and wondering what the hell a W2 is.

Your body will eventually start rejecting anything it views as "excess." Sugars, alcohol, carbohydrates and that extra beer at trivia night will now plague you for at least 24 hours. You'll question whether you're lactose intolerant, if you should go gluten free or if all that Chipotle is really all it's cracked up to be. (Spoiler alert: it is).

You will catch yourself watching 4 hours of HGTV on a Sunday afternoon and planning out how you're going to approach this year's outdoor renovation as opposed to pounding beers at the bar while watching the afternoon game. If you're still pounding beers while watching the game, you're likely doing it at your house, because that way, you don't have to wear real pants.

You will have a quarter life crisis. If it wasn't that weekend you tried to relive college, it will manifest itself in some other way, and to say that you will freak the fuck out would be an understatement. Whether you're at a concert seeing your favorite band and you realize you're surrounded by people who have X's on their hands because they're not 21, or you're passing the "you circa 2007" at the grocery store and realize his cart is full of pizza rolls and Doritos and yours is full of kale and your wife's organic granola - it will happen. There's no way to prepare. I suggest keeping a spare bottle of wine or whiskey in the house at all times.

You will have a party that has a bigger emphasis on food than alcohol. Sure, you're still going to binge drink wine, shitty domestic beer and take shots, but suddenly there are snacks. And not just snacks - delicacies from Pinterest now sit in aesthetically placed serve ware and there are plates and napkins. They're probably still plastic or disposable, but hey, we're almost 30 - we're still broke as shit.

Lowe's and Home Depot are now active words in your vocabulary - and you will pick a favorite. No one equally loves Lowe's and Home Depot. There has to be a winner. Spoiler alert: the winner is Lowe's.

One cup of coffee will no longer cut it. Nor will sugary fun drinks from Starbucks. No, your 8:00-5:00 lifestyle will merit at least two cups a day, and you'll need to establish a preferred brew because that cute, trendy Starbucks habit you picked up in your early 20s will just not fit into your new budget.

The clothes you once deemed as "dress up" clothes will soon become a thing of the past. This especially happens once you get married, as my husband has quickly learned. Now, going out to dinner typically merits a button down shirt that has - gasp - a collar. You'll learn that the only places you feel comfortable wearing a hoodie and yoga pants are the grocery store or the gym. Or, if you'd like, to Lowe's or Home Depot (but remember, not both - pick a favorite).

You will eventually learn that you cannot consume as much food and alcohol as you used to without seeing it on your body somewhere. You will also decide that, in most cases, you'd much rather eat your calories. Food > alcohol.

You will learn that the rack that scored you your first bartending job or that charming smile that got you through that impossibly hard college course with the hot GA will not earn you one single point in the real world if you don't have the work ethic, personality and brains to back it up. Anyone worth having a conversation with will care more about what you bring to the table than what you bring to the bedroom. This goes for absolutely everything, both personally and professionally. Act accordingly.


Getting older has its perks - vacation time, salaries, knowing how to cook a real dinner and being able to afford wine that doesn't come from a box are pretty fantastic, really. Consider all of this a warning though, as there are unintended consequences that often come with things like being able to afford good wine - things like being hungover (or awkwardly drunk alone by yourself on a Tuesday) after just two glasses.

before you turn 30, read this.

It seems like lists are everyone's favorite thing since sliced bread - in particular, lists by other people we don't know full of things we ought to do by the time we reach a certain age. By the time you're 25, you should know how to write a good cover letter. Newsflash: I still cannot write a good cover letter, and I'm not even a bad writer. By the time you're 30, you're supposed to have furniture that doesn't come from IKEA. But what if you have dogs who will destroy anything you ever invested money in and therefore continue to buy inexpensive furniture on purpose?

Bottom line: These lists are kind of horseshit. Let's all imagine a world where everyone's on the same page - everyone wants the same things by the time they hit a certain age, right? Wrong. I don't give one single shit if I have a piece of expensive art in my house, ever. I'd rather hang inexpensive frames full of photos of my dogs, husband, family and friends. I do not care if I ever have clean baseboards - I've accepted defeat and know that no matter how hard I try, there will always be dog hair clumped somewhere in my house, no matter how frequently I vacuum. So, without further ado, here are the things I think are worth doing, knowing or having before you turn 30. I know, I'm just another person you don't know writing a list of things I think you should do. How hypocritical is this bitch? 

Learn about your money. It is yours, after all. Whether it's the breakdown of taxes on your pays stub, which tax bracket you fall into during tax season or finally establishing your 401k (I legitimately just started this yesterday), I think investing knowledge in your money is one of the most important things in the world. If you know where it's going, chances are, you'll end up with more of it. 

Settle. No, I don't mean settle for less than you're worth or something that doesn't make you happy. But eventually, it's important to slow down and physically settle - there's something beautiful about chasing dreams, but let's not forget to embrace the life we have in this very moment. Even if it's not postcard perfection, it's still pretty perfect in its own way. 

Grammar and spelling: Figure it out. I'll toot my own horn and say that I figured this out back in middle school, so this is really just a recommendation to the rest of you. If you're quickly approaching the age where you're supposed to be able to put together an excellent cover letter according to someone else's "to do" list, you might want to know the difference between your and you're. 

Have friends who make you better. If you haven't purged yourself of the toxic relationships in your life, now's the time. Life is too short to spend time with people who don't want you to be the best version of you, and who aren't willing to help you get there. 

Stop dating the wrong people. That doesn't mean you won't still get hurt, learn or make mistakes, but if you're wasting your time sleeping with someone casually who doesn't give a damn about wining and dining you, then stop. You're better than that. You're, not your.

Take pride in what you have. It's really not about buying expensive furniture or wearing super fancy professional suits. Take care of what you have. Take pride in the money you spent to acquire whatever you have and stop treating everything like you did your first college apartment. 

Be passionate about something, and do it. Even if you're not fortunate enough to make a living off your passion, you can still find a way to incorporate it into your life. Volunteer, work part time, take time out of your busy "must-do-this-in-order-to-pay-the-bills" life to do something that truly inspires you.

Don't take your health for granted. Do whatever you need to do to appreciate your health. Eat right, quit smoking, stop drinking so much, start working out. No one says you need to run a half marathon and go on a raw diet for months on end, but you should have enough common sense to know that what you ignore about your health right now will manifest itself in the form of expensive healthcare bills and quite possibly a lot of pain later in life.

Have more than a "right now" plan. That doesn't mean you need a 10 year plan, or even a 5 year one. It does mean that it's beneficial to think more than a month or so into the future. Whether you're dreaming of a bucket list vacation that means you start saving now, or you're projecting a completion date on schooling or certification programs to better yourself professionally, it helps to have goals that go beyond the monthly "don't spend my electric bill money on these new shoes or binge eating at Chipotle this month."

Stop comparing yourself to others. Professionally, personally, geographically - just don't do it. So your friend is living the dream working in Chicago and making triple what you make, or your best friend manages to work full time, have two beautiful children, an immaculately clean home and a well-satisfied husband (seriously, all of those together are 150% impossible) - this should have no bearing on your life whatsoever. Your life is absolute perfection, even if it doesn't look like someone else's on the outside. You'll be happier if you can realize this.

Grow up and tackle your debt. Credit card debt and student loans don't go away. Shocking, right? Make a commitment to improving your credit score and your overall financial situation by tackling debt early - before things like kids, big time mortgages and potential layoffs get in the way. Make a budget - once you realize you're spending an extra $500 a month on shit you can't even pinpoint, you'll be so sick over it that you'll gladly hop on the budget bandwagon. Dave Ramsey's "Debt Snowball" is actually pretty fantastic. Look it up.

Be nice to everyone - yes, everyone. It's true what they say - your character is measured by how you treat people who can do nothing for you. I don't care if you went to college, have your doctorate or went straight into the workforce post-high school - be nice. I mean it. You're not better than anyone, and the best of us know that how you treat people says more about you than it does about them.

Keep learning. Just because you're not in school and you're getting pretty savvy at your job doesn't mean you should stop learning or exploring. Don't let the Kardashians be your only topic of conversation. Take a class, READ, do research on something so completely random just because you saw it on a billboard and you want to know more about it. Never stop challenging yourself intellectually. 

Plan a bucket list trip. Even if you won't be able to afford it this year, or for the next three years - plan it. Buy a piggy bank and dedicate spare change and cash towards funding it. Rob and I want to go to Australia - we bought a $10 piggy bank shaped like a giant shark (said like "shawwwk" in true Aussie fashion), and we throw random cash into it when we can. It'll take us forever, but we refuse to let the dream die. 

Most importantly, make your own list. You should decide what you want out of life - whether you want it before a certain age, next week or in this lifetime. You write your own story - stop reading stupid lists other people make about what you ought to be doing (except this list, because I'm fantastic). 

Happy list-making, friends!